Pictures Really ARE Worth A Thousand Words!

Sad News:

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Shut up. You know it's funny. Now send it on to someone else and make them smile.

"True" Friendship

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Forget Rednecks, here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders.

• If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through April, you live in New England.
• If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England .
• If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.
• If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
• If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.
• If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
• If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.
• If you have switched from "heat " to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
• If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England .
• If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.
• If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.
• If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in New England.
• If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 70 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
• If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
• If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
• If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
• If you find 20 degrees "a little chilly", you live in New England.
• If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England
• If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live in New England.

 It's FINALLY Arrived!

Hover your mouse HERE to get yours!

 Think About This One!!! It is short but very interesting!

A car company can move it's factories to Mexico and claim it's a free market.
A toy company can out source to a Chinese subcontractor and claim it's a free market.
A shoe company can produce its shoes in southeast Asia and claim it's a free market.
A major bank can incorporate inBermuda to avoid taxes and claim it's a free market.
We can buy HP Printers made inMexico .. We can buy shirts made in Bangladesh.
We can purchase almost anything we want from 20 different countries.

BUT, heaven help the senior citizens who dare to buy their prescription drugs from a Canadian or Mexican pharmacy. That's called un-American! And you think the pharmaceutical companies don't have a powerful lobby? Think again! Forward this to every person you know over age 50. It is an interesting thought. Maybe this is an issue that should come up in the next election! Forget the 50, send it to everyone. We're all in this boat together! Even if you aren't in this boat now, you're standing on the pier.

Monastery Life:

YANKEE’S FAN and SHARK

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a New York Yankee's jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark. As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men aboard, wearing Boston Red Sox jerseys! One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Yankee fan from the water. Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in Red Sox shirts beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat also.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Red Sox and Yankee fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know much about shark fishing…………. how's the bait holding up?"

What to wear when the wife has chores for you... : )

Proof of abuse by our Troops? Things the media missed:

THE BLACK PATCH UNDER THE U.S. FLAG.

The patch says "Doing the work of".
The flags are France,Germany,and Russia.
This SHOULD be on the front cover of Time, Newsweek, etc.

Great Idea...don't know why I never thought of this!

Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick around...after a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there.....This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime. P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

PLEASE COMPLY

I'm not breaking this one. If I get it a 1,000 times, I'll forward it a 1000 times! Let us pray...

  Time to boycott Sprint over its customer treatment.

Sprint Nextel is booting customers that call customer service too much and tossing soldier accounts due to excessive roaming. All potential customers should just boycott Sprint-after all you may have to call customer service once in a while or even roam (gasp).    READ FULL STORY

OUTRAGE: Sprint said to cancel nearly 200 military accounts for “excessive roaming”!!!

These Pictures tell it all!

Muslims have stated that England will be the first country they take over! These are pictures not shown on American TV or in American Newspapers, but were forwarded to me by a Canadian friend who thought Americans ought to know! These pictures are of Muslims marching through the streets of London during their recent
"Religion of Peace Demonstration".
Why would anyone think that we should be at war with such nice, peaceful Muslims?!