Can
you name that tune?
You're gonna kick yourself!!
MOON
RIVER!
Now I can't get that song (or that picture) outta
my head.
Always keep a smile on your face ... lets all your friends know
your heart's in the right place.
Subject: Russian Condoms
George Bush received a call from Russian President Putin. He says to Bush, "Our largest condom factory has exploded. My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied President Bush. "I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. ; "Yes?" said Bush. "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 2" in diameter?" said Putin. "No problem," replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for any thing. George Bush hung up and called the CEO of a condom company. "I need a favor. Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia ?" "Consider it done," replied the CEO of the condom company. "Good! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 2" in diameter." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE: SMALL' on each one"
Amazing
pictures from space! view
the slideshow
This
is Classic!
click on: The Rake
Air
Force Test.
The object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes. Delta Airlines uses it too!Give it a try, but be careful...it is addictive!!
Famous
People's Houses
Are
You Old Enough To Get This?
So,
this bird walks into a store....
(I just love the way he runs once he has the bag)
A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop. The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos. Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds. The seagull's shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he's become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips. Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of ch ips because they think it's so funny.
Inner
Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.
A Blonde's
Year in Review
January: Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February: Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March: Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"
April: Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!
May: Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June: Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July: Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August: Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September: The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October: Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November: Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December: Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" Button on the stupid phone!!!THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" (Are you ready? This is a beauty...) My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"
Ever
See A Panda Grow?
Cool Videos &
Website Animations
|
Friends:If
you are so inclined, visit
the Department of Defense
web page below and sign a
brief message thanking the
men and women of the U.S.
military services for defending
our freedom. The compiled
list of names will be sent
out to our soldiers at the
end of the month. It takes
only about 10 seconds.
"Lord,
hold our troops in your loving
hands. Protect them as they
protect us. Bless them and
their families for the selfless
acts they perform for us
in our time of need. I ask
this in the name of GOD our
Lord and Savior. Amen."
News
about my son: Marine Sgt. Matthew Chandler
SGT Matthew Chandler
My Son is Home!!!
Ovarian
Cancer Symptoms
Ovarian Cancer Whispers - so listen...
- Watch for Pelvic or abdominal pain or discomfort;
- vague but persistent gastrointestinal upsets such as gas, nausea, and indigestion;
- frequency and/or urgency of urination in the absence of an infection;
- unexplained weight gain or weight loss;
- pelvic and/or abdominal swelling,
- bloating and/or feeling of fullness;
- ongoing unusual fatigue; or
- unexplained changes in bowel habits.
If symptoms persist for more than 2 weeks, ask your doctor for a combination pelvic/rectal exam, CA-125 blood test, and transvaginal ultrasound.
A Pap Test WILL NOT detect ovarian cancer
AN
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR ALL WOMEN FROM OUR GOOD FRIEND AND SURVIVOR,
JAN STANLEY
Just wanted to send out a reminder for you when you go for your annual gyn exams.
1. DEMAND the CA-125 blood test.
2. Get a number reading established in your record for future comparisons.
3. Have this test every year.Love, Janet
FYI, mine was 36 six months before my cancer introduced itself! It is a fast growing little sucker, so be smart. But you can avoid ALL cancer just by keeping your body alkaline. Do the research and practice good nutrition. You will be healthy! I am! It is easy
If you know anyone who has had a mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of discomfort and pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital for 2 days after surgery.
There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the "drive-through mastectomy" where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached.
Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number. www.lifetimetv.com/health/breast_mastectomy_pledge.html This takes about 10 seconds.
PLEASE PASS THIS ON to your friends and family, on behalf of all women