Subject: From the Jason Killam / Hand Talent Collection!

It'll take him four hours to do a hand. Then he photographs it for posterity. I cannot imagine how he does the eyes so remarkably lifelike. It took him 10 hours to do the two-handed Eagle in picture #2.

Quick Joke

Two businessmen in Vancouver are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. The store isn't ready as only a few shelves are set up. One says to the other, 'I bet any minute now some jackass tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.' No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old fellow from Saskatchewan (the Wheat Pool hat was a dead giveaway) walks to the window, has a peek, and asks, 'What are you selling here?' One of the men replies, 'Oh! We're selling assholes.' Without skipping a beat, the Saskatchewan fellow says, 'Well business must be booming. I see you only got two left!'

Bambi and Thumper

Through the lens of Tanja Askani in Alberta , Canada . He spotted these adorable little guys in his backyard. He set up a camera on his porch and wound up getting award winning photos in his own back yard!!

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! ?Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. ?Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. ?We sneed into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. ?As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

"You got Male!"

Subject: O.J. Simpson passes on

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I have a few folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," OJ said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented OJ.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said . . . . . . "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Nice Johns!

Football

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. Oh, I really liked it, she replied, especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents. Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!

Health News.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. It was demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.. How ever, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey, scotch or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

The Last Photo I Ever Took Series

Dememtia . . .

Send Prior Service Vets over 60

        I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.) They've got the whole thing backwards.  Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters:
 
      Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
 
    Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  "My back hurts!  I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. 
 
          An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.  Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
 
      If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
 
      Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food.  We've also developed an appreciation for guns.  We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
 
     They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.  I can hear the Drill Sgt now, "Get down and give me ... er ... one."
 
     Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too.  I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
 
      An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.  These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
 
     Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11.  The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
 
      If nothing else, put us on the border and we  will have it secured the first night. God Bless my M-1,  the rifle that saved lives.
 
Share this with your senior friends  It's  purposely in big type so you can read it.

Fantastic Marine Art. This is awesome!

HUMMER, CAMP PENDLETON, California.

POSSIBLY THE BEST ANSWER TO A STUPID QUESTION -- EVER

Katie Couric, while interviewing a Marine sniper, asked:
"What do you feel.....when you shoot a Terrorist?"

The Marine shrugged and replied, "A slight recoil".

   Great Video! Turn up your speakers.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.fullscreen&videoid=2136666

A United States Marine

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between asignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU. One day the professor shocked the class when he came in, he looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform, I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the heck is the matter with you?" "Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot, so, He sent me."

  Veterans Day

Please take time to watch this video. It is very important!

Turn up your speakers and click this link:

http://www.cpmsglife.org/pres/vday.html

It is said a picture is worth a thousand words. . .

Not all the brave leave the "home of the brave" to enter battle;
some are required now to be the brave of the home.

We have a long list of good friends whose husbands are deploying to Iraq next month. One of the wives sent me this. We feel compelled to send it on. Your prayers are deeply appreciated. These guys deserve our love, our hugs and most powerfully, our prayers.

I understand that life in Iraq is very difficult to bear right now.
Our troops need our prayers for strength, endurance and safety.